19 - Snaaaaaake!

Right, I had better talk about my holidays. But before I do, a disclaimer.

One of the many wonderful things about returning home to the UK for Christmas was the chance to meet some of the readers of this blog! Holy wow! Do I feel like a celebrity! Anyway, in the interest of improving upon my writing abilities for possible future use (I’m thinking SquareGo and that story I mentioned a while ago) I’ve taken some of your veiled criticism to heart and have decided to make this thing a bit more accessible. Better, more involved explanations of things, for example, so you don’t feel in the dark. I mean, yes, I’ve in the past declared that the purpose of this blog is primarily for the organising of my thoughts and the gradual slowing of my descent into the gooey pits of insanity. But though that’s still very much the case, it doesn’t mean I should neglect the many readers of this blog.

In succinct conclusion, then: it’s a new year, and a new era. Prepare for changes.

Okay, so, Christmas. I had been a bit up in the air about returning at all over the holidays. I don’t fly well, but not through fear of flying. It’s just… so boring! I mean… wow! Great if you can sleep through most of it, but unfortunately that’s one skill I’ve never been able to master. Sometimes the movies are quite good, but those nasty little screen with their glaring colours and illegible subtitles give me a headache, which in turn necessitates sleep that I cannot get! And so ensues several long, agonising hours of being propped against the jagged point of an armrest with my eyes closed and growing more and more agitated.

I do not like it, Sam I Am.

But I did eventually give in, take the proverbial bullet for the proverbial team, and buy two tickets to the UK through the lovely people of KLM. And in doing so discovered hope at the bottom of Pandora’s Box.

Extra legroom seats. Not the slightly longer emergency escape seats; they’re nice but not nice enough. I mean the ones KLM calls ‘economy comfort’. So long as the person in front of me was doing likewise, I could stretch my feet all the way out! As though there wasn’t a seat at all! Bliss!

I even slept! And not some nasty spurt of sleep that makes me feel rotten enough to think I’ve been out for a long while, when in actual fact it’s only been twenty minutes. One time I slept for four whole hours! Four! Out of the twelve! That’s a significant chunk!

On the journey there I also took in such films that I’ve been wanting to see for a while as the new Spiderman, and The Dark Knight Rises. Both were excellent, I thought. Also read quite a bit. In the airport before taking off I picked up a copy of a series of short stories called Wool, all from the comfort of my Kindle. Ain’t technology grand? They’re also very good, extremely well-written, though pretty darn depressing. Wouldn’t be dystopia without a bit of depression, though.

So yeah, arrived back in the UK in considerably high spirits. I’d been forewarned that Brits in Japan have a tendency to lose their capacity for greasy chip-shop food over time, but that didn’t stop me polishing off two slabs of fried cod along with most of the chips in a large bag. And boy did I feel good, all that warm Blighty food in my belly. It was the first time I truly felt home in a long, long time.

Don’t feel quite so good about it now, mind. Now that I scooch my chair closer to my desk and bounce off my own tummy. No, not quite so good. But 2013’s motto is ‘No regrets’, and I most certainly do not regret eating all those chips.

(Incidentally, 2012’s motto was ‘Be positive and energetic’. It was a dire failure.)

Now, let me see if I can remember what happened in the UK roughly in the right order. I made a poster about this which is now hanging in the school entrance hall, but that doesn’t mean it’s chronologically accurate. So, I arrived on the Friday, which means the next day was a Saturday. Spent most of Saturday ‘unpacking’, by which I mean sorting my luggage into ‘readily required’ and ‘just in case’, putting the latter (aptly enough) back into my bag and the former all across the floor.

Just had a rather sinister thought. What if the disorganised state of my room over Christmas, and that of my blog before now, is a peek into an equally chaotic mind. A stressed, hysterical, all-over-the-place mind, which will undoubtedly soon break against life’s Bane-like strength. Urgh, best not think about that.

I also played some games on Saturday. Indeed, I played some games on every day. I still had a few games from the big 24 in my possession, such as Pokemon Mystery Dungeon and a season pass to Borderlands 2, so that was how I spent most of my free time. The rest of the day was spent catching up with my beloved family, including my bro (or is it ‘brah’ now) who got back on that Saturday… I think. He was there at church the next day, anyway, which was really great to return to. It was probably the first time I felt truly out of place, though, something I’d expected long before returning home. Japan has changed me, and I mean that in the least dramatic way I can muster. But it’s also changed everyone else. We’ve all gone separate ways, done separate things, grown and moved on. It barely recognised… anyone. It was a little lonely, truth be told.

Ah well, if anything that was part of the incentive to get up and reacquaint myself with everyone. To put those dusty, neglected social skills through their paces. It feels to me like I…

…No, Mr. Swan, now you’re just whining. Better get back to the story.

That evening was a carol service, which was also very good. We all very much enjoyed the sketch, despite all forewarnings, and I felt all the stronger the jealous tug of my drama, itching to be tested. I mentioned to a friend of mine that teaching is a lot like performing, which is true, but it’s not quite the same. I’m still looking for the chances, wherever they’ll come from.

Let’s see, then. Monday, next. Ah, of course, Christmas Eve. Went out for a coffee that really punched me in the adrenaline, and thus learned to make mine a single shot. When all the stuff about coffee you’ve needed to know for nearly two years is that “Boss coffee is the Boss of them all”, you forget a few things. Monday was also the day the Steam Sales started, I think, which really put me in the holiday spirit. We may have watched… no, we definitely watched a film that night. Pelham 123, that was it, the newer one with Denzel Washington and John Travolta. It was good, but I thought the ending was awfully sad. And Denzel didn’t, which threw me quite a bit. Maybe not the best mood to be putting one’s head down on Christmas Eve with.

You know what I missed about the UK? Beans. Good ol’ baked beans. I must have eaten a whole vat of beans while I was back. I mean, they do make baked beans that are on sale in Japan, but they put so much accursed sugar in them. It tastes… not bad, per se, but certainly not the flavourful savoury goodness of something like Heinz. Alan Davis once said that no baked beans are as good as Heinz baked beans, and I do believe he’s right.

And then it was Christmas Day. Presents in the morning, and thank you all kindly for your excellent gifts. I do believe this year was the best year for gifts I’ve ever had. I’m also in no shortage of winter clothing anymore. After that it was off to church for the traditional Christmas service, then back home again for some last minute preparations for lunch. It was really incredible to see the whole family again, and, forgive the cliché, to see how much they’ve grown. You know who I’m talking about. How dare he be taller than me, now! Christmas Day was spectacularly festive, which may sound like a bit of an odd thing to say, but I’ve sometimes found Christmases to be a bit flat, like they’re just any old day. I mean, Christmas in Osaka was particularly un-Christmassy, as you can probably imagine. But not Christmas 2012.

In the evening we played Super Smash until everyone went home, which makes it sound like we forced them out with restrictive activities which was not the case, and then watched that new Snowman film on TV. Not as good as the original; I mean, if the magical properties of the snowman allow him to fly unaided, for what purpose does he need to steal a plane if not for the heady, kleptomanic thrill? Is that really the role-model, the heroic figure of hope and renewal, we want our kids exposed to?

Boxing Day comes next, which I remember as the first day I booted up Animal Crossing. What a wonderfully communist take on village life. You are expected to take food off the trees, and random junk you find lying around, and sell it on. You aren’t given a salary. You don’t have a home until you pretty much build it yourself, and even then it’s like some kind of tent. Most of your belongings are gained from the generosity of your neighbours, or things you can piece together yourself using your stylus. And yet, you can’t do anything without money! Not even your job! New motto? Money. New opening hours? Money. My money. Not the state’s money, mine! Great game, though.

Steph went off to Birmingham on Boxing Day to see her old Oxford friends. We tagged along for the afternoon to do a bit of shopping, as insane as it sounds now that I’ve come out the other side of that raging human torrent. I got myself one of those puffy sleeveless coats all the cool kids are wearing, despite not having the luggage space to take it home, and some belts. Can’t have enough belts.

And the next day Steph came home, and we went to Masala for lunch. That is one stellar place, I tell you. Cheesy, spicy chip butties. It doesn’t easily get better than that. Did Nicky turn up that day? I can’t remember. Maybe that was the next day…Anyway, she got here late-ish at night. Dinner was enchiladas; superb. I was playing XCOM that night; I remember because someone very close to me died because of a glitch and it really, really ticked me off. It’s unjust, after all. They deserved a better chance at life. I have since lost the planet to the aliens, and have had to start again.

The lovebirds were out for a fair bit of their time together, leaving Steph, the parents and myself with time to go out and drink coffee. We did that a lot, actually. Sometimes it was as if the only reason we went out at all was to drink coffee, when there was perfectly good coffee available in the house. Maybe this is one of those things about getting older than I haven’t caught on to yet. Indeed, it was during one of these coffee trips that New Years occurred in Japan. I remember excusing myself from the conversation to count down to 2013 with the anthropomorphic residents of Eras village, and being very disappointed by the turnout. There were only three out in the village square aside from me, and one was my secretary and as such was contract bound to be there. I had to go round to their houses to check on them, see if they hadn’t injured themselves brutally while pre-gaming the new year (as if the game were that sophisticated). But no, they just hadn’t seen fit to leave their homes. I tell you, there’s gonna have to be some serious revitalisation of the community now that I’m mayor. After all I’ve done already, no less. The time it took me to change the town flag to the Aperture Science symbol, and the village song to Still Alive. Tooling around in my orange jumpsuit… you’d think the others would catch on to my rampant enthusiasm…

Thinking back, the holiday really sped by. It felt like no time at all until New Years was upon our own nation, and the ensuing parties with it. The annual quiz night was a lot of fun, though I continue to surprise myself with my lack of pointless trivia. The names of types of caviar came up. Who knows that? Maybe it just wasn’t manly enough, as apparently manly quizzes I’m better at. The night after, the auspicious turning of the year, was equally excellent. Who knew dogs actually could dance? Seriously, though, it was fantastic to see everyone, and talking is just so much easier with a can of Strongbow in my hand. I slept well that night, content in the knowledge that I was very much still a part of my hometown.

Now, on the first day of the new year we went to see The Hobbit again. Idle afternoons of coffee pass me by, but for some reason movies always stay in my memory. I suppose that’s what they’re built for. Anyway, this time around was still 3D but at the reduced framerate. I’m still undecided about which I liked better. The higher rate looked ace, especially during fights. You really get a sense of everything happening all at once, and it felt like a real feat of choreography. On the other hand, it was painfully easy to tell CGI from real life (I’m looking at you, flying cutlery), and some of the introduction scenes looked like toys, which was not the majesty I imagine Peter Jackson was after. The lower rate fixed that, and it was easier to get lost in the film as I was used to. But you could tell it’d been… tampered with, I guess is the right word for it. Maps especially got all blurry and illegible when the camera moved across them, as though the film had been put through treacle. Whichever version, however, I do like that movie. I don’t remember the book in the slightest (something about spider cocoons with beards, and sneaking across a river in barrels…?) but I liked what I saw.

That evening we had a curry with Granny and Grandad, which was fantastic. It’s always a little strange shifting from your usual place, be it a chippy, a pub or in this case an Indian restaurant, but the food was awesome. And nice to see Granny and Grandad again, before we left. They’re fantastic people, and I’m so very glad we got this chance to catch up.

Oxford was on the second. Mum had been wondering if Steph would like to visit her old home, and by a funny coincidence we found ourselves with a pass to make fudge in the same city. That was fun, regardless of the lies we were fed about being natural fudge-makers. I mean, there wasn’t even a whole lot that could be messed up. The rest of our time was spent traipsing around town, seeing the sights and avoiding the rain as best we could. It’s a nice city, I’ll give it that, and one I often overlook when I think about England.

Of course, by this time in our trip we were all too aware of the coming end. Something like that tends to loom over you, I’ve found, sucking the fun out of it like how darkness sucks the life out of a room. It was difficult to stay positive. Japan is a great place, and I am enjoying my time here. I’d happily sign up for the whole 5 years on the spot if I could. But I do love England. And I miss it.

The third of January was spent packing. I remember being tired and irritated, sad and lonely. We went out for another curry in the evening, though, which did help. And then it was off home in the morning.

Maybe it was my resentment at having to go back, but the flight to Osaka sucked. Extra legroom still helped, but I could not sleep a wink. Saw Looper, which was good, and Ted, which was dumb in a likable sort of way. Much like Hot Tub Time Machine, I guess. We arrived the next morning, and I remember thinking that I could get home quicker if I shot myself in the leg. Then there’d be an ambulance to drive me wherever. I slept for five hours when we got home, thereby negating my chance at real sleep during the night. I’m still not entirely recovered.

So now we’re back. School is very much underway (this week has killed a part of me, I’m sure), with such big-name events as the karuta tournament and that… oh, what’s it called… graduation, that’s it. That’s getting close, too. Finally getting started on those speaking tests for my third years, they’ll be in the post by the end of the month. Also got the Kobe English Festival coming up, which should actually be quite good if we get it together.

And I have too many games. Too many. I can’t even conceive of having the time to play them all. Currently XCOM and Dead Rising 2 are the top of the PC to-do list, with Pokemon, Gundam and Crossing on handhelds. But at some point I have to put in some time for Mount and Blade, Alan Wake and his wacky sequel, Resident Evil 5, Arma 2 and that Day-Z mod I’ve been wanting to play, and them two Bit Trip games I got. Also making a dumb J-RPG on the localised RPG School title they put on Steam, and I’m enjoying that.

There. Done. That wasn’t so bad.

Thanks for reading.