28 - Pre-Christmas

I’m looking down at my diary and I see it’s been a couple of months since I last wrote anything here. So, better get to it. There’s a fair amount to talk about. Having said that, I am sick. Chances are a lot of what I type down is going to be only half thought out, and the other half is going to be semi-delusional nonsense. Please forgive any fever dreams that creep into this writing.

So let’s start off with the earliest big events, the elementary music festival. A quick glance at my last blog post tells me that the larger school festival was the next day, so I doubt there’s anything before that. This was the first time that I’d gone along to this school’s festival, just on account of not being able to before, and Steph was kind enough to come along with. It was interesting having a second set of eyes, an unknowing pair of eyes, on both schools so she could compare them. So, let’s see. The school went in a completely mixed order of school years, starting with 4, then 1, 5, 2, 3 and finally 6. Impressive stuff, and doubly so when you take into account that this school is much more massive than its smaller cousin down the road. Four classes in each year, each class with about thirty-five kids. There was barely enough room on the stage, and there was no way the school was going to split up a year group. Time constraints, y’know? So instead they had to make the whole thing a bit more interesting by adding little dance numbers on the back rows and routines involving streamers. Cute stuff. Second years did an English song medley, which they pulled off very well. Pronunciation really blew me away. I mean, I bet they had no idea what they were singing half the time, and they’ve probably forgotten it all by now, but it was still an amazing bit of memorization. I was surprised, though, that the third years were doing international songs as well, including a song from England. Or rather, a song in an ‘English style’. I guess… it sounded kinda Celtic. But it wasn’t familiar. Well, I have faith that the teachers did their research first. Sixth years played Holst’s Jupiter, which was pretty epic. You gotta go epic at sixth year, or you ain’t nuthin’. They also did the little ‘this is our last music festival so see ya’ song at the end, and once more did not cry. Maybe we’re just breeding an apathetic generation of kids, or something. Last years’ cried like babies.

Okay, so here’s the criticism. The place was packed when we got there, and though there were places to sit we decided our gaijin girth might irritate some of the shorter, older members of the audience. So, we stood at the back. No problem, I’ve stood for longer before. It’s just… the second, the second, the first group of kids finished and made their exit, their parents made their exit as well. There was this sudden rush from the seats as mums and dads got to their feet and pushed out the emergency exit. You see that sorta thing in UK primary school events? I sure haven’t. The whole thing came off as very rude, like they were blowing off all the hundreds of other kids who tried really hard to get their performances down, but because they weren’t blood related they weren’t worth the time. Only then I noticed that more people were coming into the sports hall as the others left, and after a bit of maths I realized that there was no way, no way, that all the parents of all the kids were getting into that hall. My new theory is that the parents were asked to leave when their kids were finished, so as to make space for the next batch. It looks rude, but I guess it was necessary. Also, you’d have to go home and then come right back again at the end to pick up your kids, which seems a bit silly. But the big thing that really got me was that it took so-o-o-o much time to funnel everybody out and pump a new unit in like some kinda elementary school parent distillery. People, and people in Japan so much more so, are quite good at taking instructions on their own, but in a herd it’s like their brains all get mushed together into something that doesn’t look like a brain anymore, and you can call out at them ‘Please leave via the emergency exit doors!’ all you like and they won’t move because the pretty pictures in their head are just so distracting. What’s that Tommy Lee Jones quote from Men in Black? ‘A person is intelligent. People are (dumb).’ I don’t remember, he said it a lot better than that. And that’s why he’s the face of Boss coffee, the Boss of them all. So ask me to stand for an hour forty-five, I say no problem. You got it. But standing through an elementary school recital is just so much easier than standing through long, long minutes of watching cattle bump into each other and squeeze through small gaps with all the fussy entitlement of an Oscar winner on the red carpet. My feet hurt after the first two hours. My poor feet.

Okay, I’m done with that. Got a bit spiteful, there. Gotta watch the old spite.

Moving swiftly along to the Skills Development Conference, which was very good. Very good, actually. I can normally put these conferences down to being a passable use of time – more effective than sitting around at my desk but less fun than, say, Summer School or… Skyrim. But I was quite thoroughly interested by this year’s. One talk was from a friend of mine on bringing your culture into mid-level elementary lessons, and it was ace. Some truly inspired ideas outta that one. And the other one was by this, wow, such a stud. He was handsome, charming and witty, and he made the best quiz on Japanese pop culture that I’d e-

Oh, wait, that was me.

This was my second time presenting at an SDC, first time solo, and I did certainly enjoy it. I can’t claim that my talk broke new boundaries in the education system, nor sent people away with messianic levels of inspiration, nor was even particularly well-made. But I like to think it was enjoyed. At least there was that much. The afternoon of the SDC was to be spent at another junior high school for most of the ALTs, gathered in the hall in their hundreds around a model classroom full of terrified junior highschoolers wondering why were there so many foreigners in this room with them watching them judging them and if they suddenly turned feral could we take them in a fight cos I don’t think so…! I saw the pictures. Because I was back at my own school, doing an observation class of my own with any of the teachers in our block of school who wanted to come and watch. The class went, eh, alright. Usually kids respond to the addition of guests by trying to be on their best behaviour, for some reason. God bless ‘em. But class 1-1 didn’t really change that much and that was probably because nobody turned up to watch my class!! All that preparation and fear!! For nothing!! Ah, okay, that’s an exaggeration. I think three people stuck their heads in for the briefest of moments before wondering off down towards the sounds of a DVD player being plugged in. We never really grow up, do we? But it still hurt.

After the class, with a headache coming on, I was shuffled off to the computer room with all the guests to listen to a talk from a language professor from Osaka University talk about group dynamics in the classroom. Here’s a classic example of bizarre Japanese society: The computer room had been modified with these long desks to accommodate guests, two rows of them with three seats behind each. Now, it ends up being a lot like urinals, and this I’m sure is true all over the world. You wanna sit on an end seat if you’re first there, so that the next person to come isn’t forced to sit next to you, which they may not want to do if they don’t know you so well. So when I came in and sat myself at the back I got to watch as teachers filed in, some talking amicably, and chose their seats. Know what happened? They all chose different desks to sit at. Every single one, on a different desk. Crammed right at the end as though we were giving them no choice. Maybe not so strange so far, I know. But here’s the kicker. The second the last desk got filled… sorry, ‘filled’, by a single teacher, there was a flurry of panic from my host teachers who dashed to the closest classroom and set up new desks at the back of classroom!! Why?! Whyyy?! And to top it all off, they had the nerve to complain that they hadn’t expected there to be such a rush!! Are you actually kidding?! A rush, when two thirds of the seats are not taken?! In uni, one of the Japanese culture speeches we had from our forth-year sempai was on amaeru, which is kinda like being spoilt. Well, here ya go. Living example of adults being spoilt as children and then growing up equally spoilt.

So anyway, we had this talk, and I think I managed to keep up for the first ten minutes or so. She made some genuinely interesting points, about how showing a united teacher front where everyone gets on with each other is good motivation for the students to try and do the same, but eventually I just collapsed under the weight of it all. That, and knowing that all my friends would have finished their own work and be off to the Hub for a pint by now, while I was stuck in an overheated room listening to a talk that I was finding increasingly difficult to follow. Irritation soon turned to anger as the speech became something of an anecdote corner featuring her ‘funny’ students. Later that night I caught up with my school’s music teacher at the cafeteria-style restaurant near home, and he commented on how funny she’d been. I said that I hadn’t thought so on account of not understanding her ultra-fast, mile-thick Osaka dialect. A half-truth, one I will admit to publically. The other half was that I was well beyond the point of caring, well beyond. I was hungry, I had a headache, and I was miserable. I could try to justify why I felt like that some more, but I don’t think I have the right. It was Friday night, I had a busy day the next day and I just wanted to go home. Eventually I did.

So, moving on, the weekend. The next day was English Festival, a relatively new event split off from Summer School. This year was the second attempt at EngFes, which was built around a speech contest revelling in the glory of Kobe City. Figured a new topic would be nice this year, but whatevs. Eleven schools were taking part, with groups ranging from pairs up to the international school’s colossal twenty-strong group. International school, you say? I say, that doesn’t sound very fair! And no, you’d be right. This year, the two international schools were invited along, but only as special guest stars to try and bring them closer to the public schools. Didn’t… really work. I mean, they could have done with letting the schools know that they weren’t in the running for a prize before they arrived. Just one more reason why I’m not working at city hall. We’d been told that the idea behind EngFes wasn’t the naming and shaming of schools with poor English records, but rather the celebrating of as many kids’ participation as possible. This meant that there were six representatives giving out a prize each, from the Board of Education, to us ALTs, to the international schools. That’s over a 50% chance of winning a prize if all other factors were equal, which is great but I don’t care because my school won one!! Yeah!! Got a crunk certificate!! Got a dope picture to hang on the wall!! Boo-yah! So yes, we were pretty thrilled about it. To my knowledge, our school’s never really gone in for extra-curricular English in any form before now, so this was a big victory for us. The kids did really exceptionally well, and I’m exceedingly proud of what they achieved. Here’s hoping they keep this up into next year.

Which gets me up to date with work. December’s been quiet, what with the end of term and all. Weather’s rotten, so everyone’s feeling the holidays now. This week’s classes have pretty much all been Mr Bean. Dat guy, man. Cross-cultural comedy. A lot of free time, which leaves me free to fret about travelling.

I do hate travelling. Everybody be all like, it’s not the destination it’s the journey that’s the most important. But living in this world of visas and stuffy planes and 1984 border guards it feels to me like that saying doesn’t hold water in a literal sense any more. Take this Christmas. I’m going to Seattle, which I love, but to get there I have to take a long-haul plane, which I hate. Maybe if the extent of my travelling was hopping on a horse and riding the mountain paths from Whiterun to Falkreath I’d like it more. That’s the second Skyrim reference today, and I hope that lets you know what else I’ve been spending my time on. Been reading Look to Windward by Banks lately, and there was nice quote there. It went something like, People realise that the journey, rather than the destination, if not granting fulfilment, grants us a break from feeling like we should be fulfilled. Clever, clever stuff.

But I don’t even have it that bad. Steph’s organizing a marriage visa for our wedding in the UK. You imagine you tough that is? Very, is the answer. It’s very tough. And the Osaka consulate is spreading their arms wide and proudly revealing to us just how little they know about anything. It’s a tough road. Urgh, thinking about the wedding is a sure-fire way of getting me down, y’know. All that planning… all those stupid little details… I gotta get over it, I know, and realise that as co-host of the event I’m allowed to let it go any way I want. No guests? No problem. But for now, let me fret.

Let’s talk about something more positive. Andy’s also getting married, which is excellent news, and takes the pressure off me somewhat. Really looking forward to seeing him in New Zealand at New Years. Also looking forward to dem Steam sales. Despite all that talk of Skyrim, I haven’t been playing so much this month. Starbound came out earlier in the month, and Steph and I have been spending hours digging ores, plundering tombs and blasting penguins with machine guns. It’s living up to the hype so far, as being an early-access game we’re getting new additions every week. Bliss.

And, that’s it. Headache. Tired. Still sick. I’ll see you all later.

Merry Christmas. Thanks for reading.

27 - Singalong

It’s all go. All of it. First was the cultural festival at school, which was panic-ridden chaos until the day itself due to the unknown influence of a pair of typhoons. Now we have the upcoming Skills Development Conference to worry about, or rather I do, as I’m presenting. That afternoon I am exempt from the usual keynotes speech and demonstration of team teaching because I have another presentation, this time back at my school, with my OTE. I think he feels a bit out of the fire and into the frying pan, allowed out of the SDC but instead to be judged by other teachers from Kita ward. Poor guy. I haven’t told him about my plans for an ICP next year, but I don’t think he’ll be happy to hear of the extra work. The day after the SDC is English Festival at Gaidai, which brings with it a whole new pile of stress, as three of my students are giving a speech in the contest. They’re nervous, to say the least; this is the first time our school has ever done something like this. They’re going up against some real heavy-weights, even discounting the three international schools taking part. I’m proud of them even for trying, and I’m sure they’ll do really well, but I hope they’ll think the same when it’s all over. And in the midst of all this, just this morning I remembered that I was supposed to reply to an invitation to watch a friend’s wedding over the internet, which is tomorrow.

I’m not sure what’s wrong with me, whether its fatigue, stress, that cold that I thought I’d gotten over during the weekend. But whatever it is, it’s been making me real scatterbrained and emotionally fragile. I keep walking into things, too, and suddenly thinking I’d forgotten something important before realizing I’d just imagined it. Or had I? I can’t even tell. It’s not for want of time; just last night I caught my second shiny Pokémon, a Slowpoke. Looks just like regular Slowpoke, but with a matte finish. I have big plans to pump him up into a beefy Slowking, which unfortunately involves trading him to someone else with a certain item to kick-start the evolution. Do I trust anyone enough to temporarily lend them my beloved, once-in-eight-thousand shiny? We shall see. Maybe I’ll need to take something of theirs as a hostage until they trade Excalibur the Shiny Slowpoke back. You see the sort of stress I need to contend with? But no, I’m not feeling weak because I don’t have time to relax. Sleeping’s been tough of late, maybe that’s had something to do with it. Making dinner with Steph always seems to take an eon. I’ll think about ways to shorten that down. And maybe the clutter around the house isb’t helping, Steph wants to do something about that this weekend. But then that’s less time to rest and regain my energy and… Urgh! It never ends…

A silver lining: tomorrow morning’s the second elementary school music festival, this time for the bigger of my two schools. I’ve never been invited to this one before, and wouldn’t have been able to go since it had a tendency to land on a Wednesday, of all things. But I am excited. My smaller school’s festival was once again unbelievably excellent, with stellar performances all round and a complete lack of mistakes of any kind. It was even better to hear the first and second year kids sing Itsy Bitsy Spider, complete with gestures, in well-practiced English, and the fourth years rattle off a short refrain from a Stevie Wonder song in equally high-grade English. Blows anything my old schools could have done out of the water. My bigger school seems to want to up the bar a bit, though, as their second years are doing all of their songs in English. The ABC song, Bingo, London Bridge and Are you Sleeping, which I’d never before heard in not-French. This last month I’ve been working with them to fine tune the pronunciation and hear their grievances about saying LMNOP really fast. (I taught them that it’s easier to just try and say e-le-me-no-P, which they think is hilarious for some reason.) Other than that, I have no idea what’s in store. Must be big, though, ‘cos last Tuesday was like Staffroom of the Dead. Lots of vacant eyes and lurching, and the weekly English meeting was delivered with all the enthusiasm of an unemployed sea cucumber. Must be tired, and I know the feeling. I mean, I saw the same deaths in the eyes of my junior high school around the time of our cultural festival.

Let’s talk about that. For the most part the day didn’t change much from the tried and tested formula used, I think, by all the schools in Kobe. The morning was open house, with kids’ work up on the walls of their classrooms. For English we had a first year display, where the kids wrote the simplest of self introductions and then said what their treasure was, with a little picture to go with it. I was disappointed to find that they’d been re-drafted from when I’d originally set them the work earlier in the year, so the kids that wrote things like ‘Onion is my treasure’ had switched to more acceptable things. I thought it was quite funny, actually. There was some pretty good stuff up, and I had the pleasure of seeing it as I had the morning free to wander around and see everything. My favourite was a set of third year posters which they’d started in second year, where they’d written what they were like then (year 2) and what they thought they’d be like in the future (year 3). As third years, they’d stuck on photos of themselves from the three years of middle school, and it was great to see how much they’d changed. Some of them were practically unrecognisable. The science room also had some cool stuff, like little heart-shaped tubes with coloured liquid that moved around when you held it in your hand. Something about body warmth I think, but I dunno. Also had a great moment at the front gates when a family came in with a little two year old, who practically bellowed out a konnichiwa at me when his parents said hello. The same kid came wandering out of one of the classrooms as I passed, and on seeing me shouted out to nobody at all, ‘Oh, it’s that guy from before!’ As I passed, his father came out to see what all the fuss was about, and when he did I heard the kid say, ‘He must have come from real far away. Look at his skin!’ Ah, to be young again. But really there wasn’t a whole lot to see that morning, and I quickly got a bit bored. Ended up seeking out kids from my elementary schools to talk to, preferably in the presence of their middle school older siblings so I could earn a few cool points. See? Your little sister thinks I’m cool!

The afternoon was the big presentation in the main hall, which I obviously sat in on. I’d avoided watching the rehearsals this year, to keep it all a surprise. First they had the winners of the chorus competition from the week before sing their chosen songs, which was fairly impressive. Then there were a couple of speeches, and then the health club kids gave a Powerpoint presentation about sugar in drinks. They dropped the ball last year by making it about sleeping habits, and showing it in a dark room – I’d been ready to nod off then and there by the end. But this year was actually pretty interesting, and I learned a few things to boot. Like, non-alcoholic drinks actually have alcohol in them, it just has to be under a certain level. Saw a few parents’ faces pale at that, parents who’d probably let their kids break the law because they thought they were just giving them glorified soft drinks. And no calorie drinks are the same. Not that they have alcohol, that they just have to have under a certain level of calories. I knew that sugarless drinks are pumped full of additives to give them taste, but the rest was news to me. So yeah, good job health club.

The two big events for the afternoon were the third year play and the wind band concert. The morning before, the kids from the newly-established drama club had stood out in the rain with paper fliers to hand out to the other students. In the privacy of the staffroom, the teacher in charge had explained that this was because the story was very difficult to follow, and the audience might need a bit of help with it. This got a laugh; weird, confusing plots are a trademark of middle school productions. But in the end I was very pleasantly surprised by how the play turned out. It was much better than that bizarre Romeo and Juliet 2 Except Juliet Somehow Survived And Romeo’s Ghost Is Trying To Get His Younger Brother To Go Out With Her thing from my first year in Kobe. The premise was that a highschool girl was asleep, and was visited in her dreams by something called a Life Advisor, who informed her that she was taking too long in choosing what she wanted to be in the future. Like, what stereotype you fit into, rather than what job. The Advisors showed her a selection of archetypes she could pick, that she would magically become in the morning if she chose them. Things like sports enthusiasts, bullies, pop culture fanatics, prefects and two different types of nerd. Y’know, one who studies a lot and one who locks himself in his room listening to europop and assembling plastic models of underage girls. They have a word for that in Japan but not in English, I think. Anyway, all these archetypes were massive exaggerations of what it meant to be fit into such and such a category, and the girl rightly argues that they’re all weirdoes and she doesn’t want to be any of them. The Advisors then make the deal even less desirable by saying that if she doesn’t pick one then and there they will pick for her, and then inform her that the procedure for making her choice involves putting her hand on one of the characters’ shoulder and jamming a knife into her own heart. Naturally, she kicks up quite a fuss about this. So the Advisors make the choice for her, and the cross-dresser characters chase the girl around the gym before eventually cornering her and making her stab herself with the knife. Cut to black. Then the lights come up and everyone congratulates each other on making a great rehearsal for the cultural festival, and start having a meeting about what they could improve. See, it’s like Inception or something. But it turns out the actors are slightly more realistic, but still very single-minded versions of their own characters, and one by one they dump their responsibilities to the play and run off to do other stuff, leaving the protagonist alone. She complains to the directors of the play that she doesn’t like the ending, that she thinks the girl should have the right to choose her own path. To which she receives a shrug and a ‘that’s life’, before the directors make their own way home. The girl, alone, soliloquises that life is more complicated than that, and that she wants to choose a new path, her own. Then the play ends on a pointless, cheesy ‘Saki went on to start a bakery and lived happily ever after’ narration. So yeah, for a bunch of middle schoolers surprisingly deep. I was impressed. They also worked together really well, and it sounded like they really enjoyed themselves. Good job them.

The wind band was last, and once again they were incredible. I’m always blown away by those kids and their music, and it boggles my mind that they’re not even that good on a national or even city-wide level. They totally nailed the Pirates of the Caribbean theme, and deserved every round of applause they got. The one thing I will say, and I say this with all the tact I can muster, is that the solo bits got a bit much. It’s customary for the third years who’ll be leaving at the end of the year to stand up and do part of the melody solo, so everyone can see them and think about their personal contributions to the club. Great. When they’re done, they bow, and everyone claps. But the thing is, they tend to string a few solos together, one after another. And the accepted clapping time to be polite is about four seconds. Which means one third year gets their solo, and everyone claps, only to drown out the next kid’s solo which barely gets heard at all. I see why they did it, and it must be hard to find good places for support instruments like tubas to get centre-stage moment, but it doesn’t quite work. Y’know? So, overall it was a cracking day, and the kids really excelled themselves. And everyone breathed a big sigh of relief when it was over. That night was the customary staff party, which... could have gone better. The company was fantastic; each time I go out drinking with these teachers I end up feeling even closer to them, and they really go to great lengths to keep me feeling like one of them. Only... the restaurant was traditional Japanese food, which means I got served more of my favourite Severed Fish Head in Oil. I mean, different cultural tastes and all that, but uuuuuurgghhrhghhgh. And the boiled eggs had runny yolks that looked suspiciously red. Urgh, I feel bad just thinking about it. And the whole thing was rounded off with a barbeque on a stone platter in the middle of the table, which smelled just foul. Say what you will about meat being great, you set that stuff on fire and it reeks. Forcing down so much food I didn’t want made me royally sick the next day, just in time for not church. No sir, not that Sunday. I’d barely have left the house before depositing oily fish head from my stomach on to the ‘Yama pavement. Posh food. Do not understand. Apparently some secret council of ALT supporters is organising a joint JH-ES party in honour of me and Steph getting married, and that’s just the kindest thing I’ve ever had the pleasure to receive. But... if it could not be at some high-class eastern-style restaurant, that’d be grand. Pizza Hut, if you please.

I’d better sign off there. I can write again after the SDC, ‘cos I’ll have plenty to say about that. Thanks for reading.

26 - Tai'shar England

There goes Summer. It’s about time we got a bit of breeze back in Hanayama. Still, the hot season keeps holding on with its burny tendrils, making the odd hot streak during the day and the occasional tropical storm. Nothing to cancel school, unfortunately, but enough to be reminiscent of not-Autumn. Summer means Sports Day here in Kobe, which went off once again without a hitch, though I’ve been needing to wear my sleeves a bit longer since then on account of the very obvious redness on my lower arm. My arms look like Pokeballs.

Yep, there it is. Can’t hold it in any longer. Pokemon XY comes out tomorrow and I am just THE most excited. Tonight’s gonna be a tough one to sleep through, but at least there’s an early start on the cards. The plan is to get into town around 9, grab a coffee at Tully’s and then hit what I’m sure will be a fairly lengthy queue at Labi for its opening at 10. Steph’s probably not going to come along, which is good for her because it means I won’t embarrass her, plus she gets extra sleep. We’ll no doubt meet up again for an early lunch in town, ready for an afternoon of Dark Heresy down on Port Island. Well, most of the group will likely be doing the things we Dark Heretics do: blasting aliens and rolling dice. I’ll have to share my time with that and making a mad dash for the Elite Four.

The news that certain unseemly countries (yeah, even you, Britain!) have got themselves copies of the game before its release on the 12^th has urked me much more than I reckon it should. I think a big part of it is that Pokemon may be a popular, if childish, game across the world, but is this Generation 6 is a big milestone for internationalism. It was supposed to be the first simultaneous worldwide release, discounting things like timezones, but now it isn’t. Now some little Spoinks have got their hands on it ahead of the rest of us, before they were supposed to, and are enjoying a game that they don’t love as much as me not fair it’s not faaaaaair

This is primary school all over again.

What makes it worse is that they’re totally not embarrassed about what they’ve done. Browsing imgur has become a veritable minefield, as people (though in truth they are less than human) keep putting up pictures of ‘Look everyone at how you can ride this Pokemon now!’ or ‘Oh, look how it asks you if you want to renew your Repels’!

If we wanted to know, you rotten Trubbishes, we’d do the same as you and debase ourselves and our supposedly beloved franchise by breaking the rules! But we respect they people who made this game, you see? So we’ll wait! Impatiently, but we’ll do it! Nobody wants to see your ill-gotten achievements, but if they did I’d disown them from the human race! True Pokemon Masters know to be patient.

Phew. Imagine if I was this fanatical about my religion... Y’know, like I should be. I’m trying.

Right, back to Sports Day. The weather was clement; as clement as the inside of a nuclear reactor. But the odd patch of cloud cover made it marginally more bearable than the rehearsal day, as did my thick, greasy layer of sun cream. I still find that hard to believe: a rehearsal day for Sports Day. In Japan, it’s not a competitive sporting medley like, I dunno... No, I really don’t know. Like my Sports Days. Here it’s a performance, a song and dance, in which the actors occasionally race each other around the big, chalk track. Obviously the running, jumping etc. isn’t staged, but it does seem like there’s far too much prep work, in the scalding sun no less, for what amounts to a bit of marching and the synchronised waving of flags. We had convoys of wheelchairs lined up by the hall for the battalions of brave soldiers struck down by the heat. You can’ t tell me that’s safe conduct.

But anyway, it went well in the end. My usual gripe with Sports Day is that, as an auxiliary staff member, I’m expected to participate but with an expectation that doesn’t include actual plans with actual times and activities. I won’t rehash a year-old rant, but it’s like everybody expects everybody else to be the ones who come up with my schedule (and last year proved that I am incapable of that) and then nobody does it. So the time comes to run the staff relay, and everybody says ‘Go, Peter! Go get in your position!’, to which I reply ‘I don’t have a position!’ Then comes the frantic scrabbling as the other teachers crowbar the routes of two of the teachers apart to allot me a ridiculous ten metre sprint. Sprint? More like step. But this year, my vice principal had everything in hand. There was a piece of paper that lumped me together with the other non-PE non-medical teachers as seitou shidou, which means looking after the kids while they wait. We had fun, I must admit. I showed off my kanji skills, and dutifully ignored their questions of a sexual nature. They’re getting to that age, some of them. Also, nobody died, which was a real comfort. Last year we had a nasty leg breakage, but this year the kids suffered narely a scratch. A real success, I’d say.

I’d been finishing off Wheel of Time around the time of Sports Day, which gave my brain something to do every second it was awake and sometimes when not. I swear, that last book got right into my head. Probably had something to do with the five or so hours I spent not out jogging, finishing the entire last half of Memory of Light. Some ace deaths, and I’m of the opinion that a good death rounds off a great character. And the best two deaths were for characters I wasn’t even very keen on by the end. Got cheated out of an excellent death for my favourite character, though, who was somehow still kicking by the end of everything. But yeah, it really got me imagining. It was all I could do to hold back the ‘Tai’shar Manetheren’ as I began my hundred meter sprint in the staff relay. I also spent my more free time around the day rewording quotes from the series to match my job. ‘The ALT is of all-nen-sei and none.’ I was quite proud of that one.

Anyway, now we’ve got the Cultural Festival on the horizon, which I can appreciate all the rehearsal time for. Especially when all the kids have to do is stand still in the hall and sing. Much better than hours of marching outside. There’s been an interesting decision by some of the kids to form an impromptu Drama Club, and to manage their own performance for the actual stage show of Bunkasai. I’ll be looking forward to that. Last year’s Hashire Melos was simply bizarre, and the hodgepodge of the year before even stranger. I hear it’s the same all across Kobe: that’s what you get when a bunch of junior high school kids make up a play. Also looking forward to hearing the brass band play the Pirates theme and the title theme to Attack on Titan. Doesn’t matter that Titan is too slow-going for my tastes, and I hate Johnny Depp. So that’s end of the month, and the elementary ones are the beginning of the next. Steph’s been invited to my smaller elementary this year, which is sweet of them. I’ve been every year now, so I expect they’ve come to expect my presence. Would be nice to show off Steph to the kids, as well!

What else is there to say? Oh, my washing machine broke. It’s a real testament to my Japanese skills, I think, that they’ve come so far that I can actually do something like this. It’s funny, my study time has been extremely limited since coming here, and usually I only get the books out around Summer time. But conversationally I’ve grown a lot, and my confidence in speaking is through the roof. Maybe a lot of what I say isn’t good Japanese, but folk respond as though it is, which means I must be getting something right. Anyway, the washer needs a new circuit in its little circuit board, which is setting me back 15,000 yen. Quite a lot, but it’s better than buying a whole new one. The washer may be old, but chances are I’ll only be in the apartment for another few months, after which I’ll be married and can move to Steph’s much nicer place, with her much nicer washing machine. Well, nicer at any rate. So all I need is my current one to hold out until I leave, and then it’s someone else’s problem. Someone who doesn’t read the back issues of their predecessor’s blog, I should hope.

Steph’s currently showing me the old Star Trek films, following a conversation about the newer of the two J.J. Abrams ones. The first one was questionably laughable at best, but I actually did enjoy Wrath of Khan quite considerably. Which is good, because I hear they dip from there, with the occasional peak. Nothing a bit of beer won’t liven up, I’m sure.

Right, I’m done. Time to get on Minecraft and try to get those shaders working, then it’s off to bed. Not to sleep, though. I think sleep might be a long time coming, what with tomorrow on the horizon and all.

Thanks for reading. I’ll see you suckas at the League.

25 - Storm

Okay. Second attempt, start. Lost my original blog draft to Baby the netbook nearing the end of her half-decade tether, but we’ll soldier on. It’s not like I have a whole lot to do anyway. Besides plan a flipping wedding.

The biggest news to share today would have to be Steph and my return home to the icy-cold climes of Leicester. Next year’s wedding is set to take place in my home town, so all the planning for that took place in the vicinity of Leicester. Let’s see. We met and selected our wedding photographer, Marc (Yeah, with a ‘c’. What a hipster.), who’s a really nice guy. On the Thursday of the second week we took a trip down to Castle Gardens near DeMontford for what I learned are called ‘engagement photos’. Did everyone else know this was a thing? Because it was the first I’d heard of them. Actually, there’s a lot about weddings that I didn’t realize I was supposed to know. Engagement photos, wedding breakfasts, speeches. Oh, stars above, the speeches! And dancing! It’s not enough to just get up there and dance, you have to be watched dancing with your new spouse by the gathered friends and family (who, I’m sure, as part of the Strictly generation, will be expecting far more than I will ever be able to perform) and then there’s some rubbish about this guy dancing with this woman, and your pet rat dancing with your mother’s uncle’s cousin twice removed, and so on. Steph and I are of the opinion that we can forget all that. It’s good to agree about stuff.

Oh yeah, engagement photos. So, this at least I can understand. It gives us a chance to try out the photographer, build a working relationship and whatever, before we actually have the wedding. He gets used to us, too, and learns what sort of things we’re comfortable with, and what sorts of colours and locales make us look better. Steph and I both thought that there was one particular thing that we both did in too many of the photos, but I won’t tell you what. Don’t want you looking out for it when you see them, ‘cos then it’ll be all that you see. I am looking forward to seeing how they turn out, though, when Marc sends them over in the next week or so.

We also got in touch with a videographer company, ignite films, who sent over an ace sample DVD and instructions for the rest of the time before the wedding. Can I pick 10 fitting songs for the wedding video? I doubt it. All I can think of it soundtracks from stupid cartoons about robots, or angry punk rock from my childhood, neither of which will fit the overall theme of the wedding.

The church is booked, so that’s the most important thing out of the way. We still have to plan the service and the decorations and whatever, but that’s all no problem at this stage. We also have our reception venue booked, a place called Halstead House out in the country. I remember going there when I was little, back when they had a cafe, but nowadays the place only really does events. It’s a gorgeous place, and I’m glad we managed to get it. The guy who runs it, John, is also fantastic, and seems really keen to make sure everything fits what we want for the day. There’ll be food, but coming from veggie backgrounds has limited our choices a little bit, which brings us on to catering.

The plan as it stands is to have a couple of our favourite foods on offer after the service, downstairs, before the reception. Chips from me, and curry from Steph. And anyone who says anything about what we should be eating can get stuffed. At Halstead, we’ll just be having dessert, drinks and some finger food things that the House will be supplying.

Also have the order in for suits, which need to be fitted closer to the time. Didn’t think I’d like tails on a coat, but I was surprised, and the guy in the shop rightly said that your wedding will be one of the only times in your life that you can wear them. This was between repeatedly telling me that my original choice of a dark brown for the coat would make me look like an idiot. Well, excuse me for not keeping up with Gok flipping Wang.

Oh, and we even went to the council office on the Monday to register our intent to marry. It’s all very bureaucratic, I must say. We’ve let them know the date, our names and nationalities, and signed countless bits of paper to assure them that no, really, we aren’t brother and sister. And this information will apparently be going up on the one screen in the council office that says who’s getting married when for fifteen days. Apparently this is so people who object to our union have a chance to see what we’re planning and get in touch with the office to let them know we’re marrying illegally. As if people sit all day in front of the screen, just scanning all the newlyweds-to-be in Leicestershire, looking for people they know can’t get married! It’s very Hitchhiker’s Guide. ‘The notice was up on the screen for fifteen days, you were free to go and read it and have your say’.

Phew! This wedding stuff is easily the most complicated thing I’ve ever experienced, though to be fair I dropped Math and Science after GCSEs in favour of Drama so what do I know about complicated things. Putting everything into a working order is turning out to be incredibly difficult, especially with neither of us being in the flipping country until a week or so before the big day. But the wonders of technology prevail, and Skype has allowed us to set up meetings with various people regardless of where in the world we are.

It was great to be back in England, I must say. The weather was wonderfully chill, a superb break from the murderous heat and humidity of Kobe. The food is top class, and by ‘top class’ I mean really tasty, not necessarily classy. I must have eaten beans on toast, topped generously with sharp Welsh cheddar, every single day I was there. And I do think I ate all the fish and chips, and drank all the cider. Got a health check this afternoon at the ward office, and I doubt they’ll be very impressed with my weight again this year. Pfft, I’m beyond caring at this point.

It was also nice to see Steph’s mum, who flew in from Seattle to lend a hand with wedding stuff. Having been awash in the horror stories of parents taking the reins with their child’s wedding, I was honestly a touch nervous. But Marsha was genuinely full of good advice and reminders that it’s our day, and we are expected to do whatever we like with it.

Can I just say briefly that looking at weddings on the internet has caused me to question my faith in humanity? I mean, I’m sure you really like Doctor Who. But is it really something you want as the theme of one of the most important days of your life? At what point does the day stop being about you, and start being about Peter Whatshisface? I mean, I’m making a massive sacrifice by not insisting on Pokémon as the theme for our wedding, but it is for the best. Twenty years down the line, when hopefully there are kids in the equation, will I be able to shamelessly look them in the eyes and tell them that the day I married their mother the flower girls were dressed like Bellossums, and our vows included the line ‘to have and to hold, in health but also when Paralysed, Poisoned, Burned or Asleep’? I’m not sure I could. Our wedding is about us, and I guess I want the focus to be on myself, on Steph, and on God who brought us together. If you think your interest in a camp British sci-fi identifies you and your relationship with your partner, you be my guest and drive away from the church in a flipping police box. It’s just hard for me to understand without knowing you like I know myself.

Right, anyway, it was good to be back. We managed to get to Bradgate in our time back as well, which was really nice to see. It’s a gorgeous park, and the deer trump anything Nara can provide hands down. Many, many memories. And also Twycross Zoo, which is excellent. Monkeys. I forgot how much I like monkeys.

We even managed to take in a couple of films. Apparently we missed the boat for Pacific Rim, which we’ll have to rent some time, but we did manage to get to World’s End, which I really liked. It’s no Hot Fuzz, the ending is really confused and doesn’t seem to know what it’s doing, but the fights are just phenomenal and there is a good heart somewhere in there, even if it’s hard to see at times. We also got to see Monsters University, which was also great. Not as good as the original, but a stand-up prequel and massively entertaining. Going to see that movie also set the scene for one of the most awesome moments of my trip back. The cinema was packed with kids, as you might have expected, and as the pre-trailer adverts ran we shuffled through the noisy dark towards some of the last seats in the house, right near the front. I’m standing there in the centre aisle as we look around for the C that marked where we’d be sitting (there wasn’t one, as it turned out), when I hear a familiar voice. ‘Pikachu’, it says. I turn, wide-eyed, to the cinema screen, where Pikachu is waving down at me. And it really did feel like it was for me alone. Music roaring in my ears, Nintendo bellow down at me once again that Pokémon X & Y will be the best thing the gaming world has ever seen! Horde battles! 3D Pokémon! Macarons!! And so soon!! I nearly fell to my knees in surprise as the game logos sprung up big and beautiful on the silver screen. It was as though Pokémon had followed me half way round the world to remind me that it was looking forward to my patronage. Mine! Maybe I’m not explaining it well, but the whole thing was awesome in a very true sense of the word.

I also watched some films on the flight over, actually. Die Hard 5 was stupid and entertaining, as I expected, and was a really good pick-me-up out of the slump of watching all 800 hours of French sombre-fest Les Mis. I’m sure it’s better live, or maybe when not on a plane, but I just didn’t like it. It was slow and boring, and I didn’t like the characters. Also thought it was weird to have the characters always always singing, even when they’re not saying anything important. The only musical experience I have is Blood Brothers (excellent) and those musical episodes of Scrubs and Buffy, and in all of them we were given breaks from all the songs with bits of dialogue. Turns out, I much prefer that to a single, million hour long song like is Les Mis, even when sung by Wolverine. Oh, and I saw Wreck-it Ralph, too, which was pretty cool. Worth it for the brief glimpses of Sonic the Hedgehog, which always threatened to give me a nostalgia-riffic heart attack, and that’s even when I saw it on a stuffy plane and the ending credits were sung by AKB 48. Those poor girls. This time, it was so obvious that they did not care about their music. That’s what you get for commercialising art, or something.

What else was there? Had a good chat with my brother again, all the way down in New Zealand. It seems funny that I’m in an almost neighbouring country now, but to talk to him I flew all the way to the opposite side of the planet to him. Still, it was great to see him on Skype. I do miss my little brother, and I eagerly look forward to arriving in NZ in January to see Hobbiton. Him. I meant ‘him’. It’s funny, having the little guy getting married before me. I’m over the affront, and now I’m just keen to see what he does with his wedding so Steph and I can improve on i- I mean, be inspired by it.

Oh, right, Steph and I got new phones yesterday. And what a hassle that was. We wanted out of Softbank, seeing as our two years were up and in Kobe, at least, they can be a bit iffy with foreigners. Despite having all their catalogues and reference guides in English, I might add! When we first got our phones we paid with credit cards from overseas, not having Japanese accounts yet, and a week later went in to change the payment details. Can we do that? ‘No’, we were told, by the flustered looking attendant in the shop, ‘no way’. So we left, and for a year spend a ton exchanging money to pay the small costs of our phones. Only, second year comes around, and suddenly all the new newcomers are switching to Japanese accounts after a week of using foreign cards. We go back in and ask again. ‘Of course you can,’ we are told. ‘You even could have last year!’ See, what happened was the flustered looking muppet saw two scary gaijin come into his shop and ask duh I dunno something about phones I don’t speak English so whatevs even tho they’re speaking perfect Japanese. And said ‘no’. Could have asked him for the time. ‘No’. Could have told him to call an ambulance ‘cos I’d been shot. ‘No’. When we switched to au, I did explain this to the lovely woman from Softbank who took our details, and I do hope she’ll do something about it.

Let's talk about something else. Short time skip, and my health check's all done. I'm slightly fatter, but ultimately lighter than last year, and also shorter. Not sure how that last one works. Blood pressure's up, but no tuberculosis. Not a bad result, all in all. Also been up to the annual Job Training, and after than Summer School at the Foreign Studies university. It was my first time in a position of responsibility among the JETs, which was pretty nerve-wracking, but I think everything went well nonetheless. That's what comes from having this ace community, I guess; folk you can rely on. Next Job Training, or rather, the Skills Development Conference, is in November. I have a proposition for a discussion down for then, though I don't know if it'll be accepted.

Summer School, likewise, was excellent. My school's kids came for the first year ever, and though there were only two of them they really did well and I think had a great time. Steph's kids were fascinated by me, as well, having never met their ALT's legendary fiancee... fian... however you spell it – before. But now the break's over, and tomorrow it's back to work. Well, 'work'. The holiday continues, so the kids won't be in, but I'll have meetings and things to go to in addition to preparing new classes. Nothing strenuous, but still doesn't beat sitting at home all day playing Saints Row, which is what the typhoon today forced me to do. 'Forced'.

Alright, that's it. Thanks for reading.

24 - Icumen

It’s summer. Strange to think that this is my third summer here. The first was busy as anything, being full of orientation and whatnot, things like getting phones and arranging bank accounts. Last year was a lot quieter. I remember sitting around in the staffroom in a t-shirt and shorts (‘cos in summer, you can pretty much wear what you want most of the time) with very little to do. This year’s a funny sort of mix. I’m busy, but maybe not THAT busy.

Let’s see. Steph and I fly home on Saturday, a prospect I’m not looking forward to. Not the being home bit, I can’t wait for that. But the going home, that’s not gonna be a good time. Still, Wheel of Time’s picked up from the thick treacle that was books nine and ten, so maybe I can just marathon it for twelve hours. Wonder what kind of films they’ll have? Being home will be great, it’s always much easier to relax and unwind in Leicester than Kobe, but it won’t be just two weeks of sitting around. No, we’ve got a wedding to plan! The first week will be spent meeting photographers, visiting reception halls and having a long, serious talk with the minister at church. Then it’s off to London to get Steph authorized for British matrimony or whatever kind of bureaucratic nonsense they name it, and back again for wedding suits and stuff. Still need to pick a best man for that.

Oh, yeah. Then there’s the save the date video. Nearly done, but it’s been a real uphill struggle. Some of our UK time will be spent filming for that, I reckon. Which leaves me exceedingly little time, I reckon, to chill. I suppose that’s fine. I suppose knowing there’s going to be a wedding at the end of it helps. But it sure is starting to feel like my peaceful days are over. After this there’ll only be something else. Honeymoons or mortgages or something. Urgh.

I guess the heat doesn’t help. Kobe is so humid it’s easy to feel like you’re drowning. Every morning it’s a huge struggle to just clamber out the front door, and the only air conditioning I get in a working day is on the bus. Very unpleasant. I hear that Japanese meteorologists are saying that this year’s rainy season was too short, so we’re gonna get a really nasty hot streak until late October. Compared to that, any amount of time in Britain, even if it’s all spent on my feet arranging this one event, is welcome.

Lots of goodbyes this month. Kobe JET is getting a bit slaughtered this year, with some real amazing folk returning home or just moving elsewhere in the country. Lots of parties, I suppose is the upside to that. This year’s farewell event was excellent, a fitting sending off to all the JETs leaving this year. I guess the upshot of that is that we’ll be receiving a whole bunch of newcomers to make up the numbers. That’ll be interesting. Rumour has it that JET is hiring more experienced Japanese speakers than before, including some who speak it at a near-native level. The times they are a-changing, I guess. I can understand, based off the sort of reception I got when it became apparent I spoke Japanese. The teachers here make no attempt to hide the fact that their lives are made considerably easier by my language ability. I wonder how many of them have teaching experience? I’m told by some of the ex-teachers on JET that English teaching here is incomparable to elsewhere, so maybe they won’t be aiming for people with experience. Or maybe I’m wrong about that.

There’s not a great deal to talk about, to be quite honest with you. Life goes on, and the end of the first semester isn’t a really big deal. Been having a lot of meetings about Summer School, which is gearing up to be really great. A friend and I will be running one of the activities for the kids, which isn’t a massive job but still requires pre-planning and whatnot. Also I’ll be giving a presentation at the preceding Job Training event, which is pretty much the same. Lots of meetings, then. Also had what they call a ‘delivery service’ yesterday, where some of us went off to an elementary school up in Sanda City to help the teachers there plan English classes. It was a good day, I thought, and the staff there were ace. Also managed to meet a couple of my old ES teachers there, too, which was great.

I do love games. This week I’ve been playing Civilization 5, picked up in the Steam sale, which is really great. I had a lot of issues with 4, but they’re all gone in 5. I like being Celtic. All that faith! Also there’s Torchlight, which was free to buy about a month ago. Bought Torchlight 2 recently, so I really have to press on and finish the first one so I can get around to starting the second. Fun game. A little repetitive, but certainly exciting in a sort of Diablo-y, Borderlands-y, loot-y way. Looking forward to trying 2 out in multiplayer, maybe over the summer. And then there’s Cube World, which is in alpha and not really a deep game yet, but is still a lot of fun. I’m an undead warrior who rides an alpaca. What more can I say?

There’s still a ton of talk about Pokémon, though. Just a few more months until X and Y, and it’s becoming a real struggle to avoid news about new features so I’ll be surprised on release. And I DO want to be surprised. It’s probably a good thing that I won’t be able to make it to the Pokémon convention in Tokyo near the end of summer. It’s all I can do to stop myself immediately planning out my teams.

Steph and I are thinking of getting new phones this summer. Our iPhone contracts end at the end of next month, if I remember right, and we’re both thinking like maybe it’s time to move on from Softbank. The deal was great, and the phones were immensely useful, especially for our opening few weeks. But the phones are getting old now, and it’s looking like it’ll almost be cheaper to get something else than have to constantly get our old relics repaired. A friend of ours recommended a full reset before making any big decisions, which is a fine idea, but I would so like an Android. And a phone company that isn’t often a bit iffy with foreigners, despite having a foreigner as one of their store mascots. Have an excuse to visit au as well, what with my overseas landline debts to pay off. That’s what you get for picking an airline that’s based in another country, and sees fit to change your itinerary once a month and demand that you call them (not email, never email) to confirm the changes. Doesn’t help that the bills got sandwiched between some ignored junk mail for several weeks, meaning I now have to pay some late fees as well. Regrettable, but not the worst thing to happen. One of the good things about watching Game of Thrones is being able to say, ‘at least we won’t be having THAT wedding’.

Think I’m about done. Short one today, eh! Took me thirty minutes to write, apparently. Still gives me time to advance Polynesia to the Medieval era before dinner, if I play my cards right.

Thanks for reading.

23 - Running Theme

It’s been a bit of a Pokéweek. Starting with all that news about the new Pokémon for X and Y (out October counting the days), it seems like the world is trying to remind me of why I’m here in Japan. And it’s not for its burgeoning job market or charming insect life. As I may say a little too often, I would probably not have come to Japan if it weren’t for some guy’s bug-hunting fascination. Earlier this month it was announced that video game apparel company Game King would be making a set of t-shirts for the Pokémon Center featuring the original starter Pokémon. I promised myself I wouldn’t fall into the otaku trap of anime merchandising but this! This I can allow!

Anyway, with a trip to Osaka tentatively planned for Friday afternoon I can add more fuel to the fire that is my love of Pokémon. In the meantime, news has continued to spread of something called Pixelmon, which is a Pokémon mod for Minecraft. There have been several in the last year or so, but this one’s ace. Realistic sizes, real moves and stats, EVs… A pity you seem to be able to put a Pokémon to sleep while it’s poisoned and paralysed, and then freeze it. And then burn it. They may have to work on that.

More importantly, the mod has really opened the eyes of the public to some of the key issues that are seldom explored in the Pokémon universe. The most pressing of which is, if all animals in the world are semi-intelligent monsters capable of free thought and fire breath, then what exactly is that chicken-looking thing that Ash is eating? Is it a Pidgey? Because I highly doubt Nintendo would approve of that. And so, in Pixelmon, the hunt for food is your greatest challenge in the beginning. Apples are rare, and crops like wheat take time to grow. There’s no livestock to hunt, so you can’t find meat. Fishing is a possibility still, but fishing rods require string, which requires you to kill spiders, which no longer exist. Well, defeating bug Pokémon occasionally drops string for you, which is fine, but defeating Pokémon requires a Pokémon of your own. So, if your brand new Bulbasaur, level 5, is set upon by a massive Arbok on your first day, and is knocked out of commission, you’re scuppered! You can’t heal Pokémon without a bed, which needs wool, which needs you to be able to defeat Pokémon, or a healing table which requires diamond and aluminum, of all things. Certainly not easily accessible. So in the beginning the world is cruel, and it takes long hours of searching (or some excellent luck) to get very far.

On Saturday, continuing the theme, Hanayama is hosting a Pokémon themed scavenger hunt. It’s a little like one of those made in Heaven situations you hear about, like being told you’ll be studying Spirited Away in Japanese class for a semester, where the reality can almost never live up to expectations. And, come on, a Pokémon scavenger hunt? My expectations are pretty high. Fortunately I have the utmost faith in the team preparing this event. I’m sure it’ll be a blast, and you’ll all be hearing the blow-by-blow after the day itself.

So yeah. There’s Pokémon, and then there’s the rest of my life.

Picking an example right out of the air, I had an endoscopy last weekend. A first for me, believe it or not, and the strangest experience I have ever undergone. It was the culmination of many weeks of doctor’s visits, many of which were utterly pointless. I mean, let’s take this from the beginning. I went to the doctor complaining of localized, persistent stomach pains, enough that it was difficult to sleep on my left side at night. The doctor told me it was probably nothing, just a case of gastritis, and I should take the medicine he proscribed and come back if the problems persist. Well, a week went by, and the medicine helped. But then a second week went by and they were back, worse than ever. I returned to the doctor to explain. Unfortunately, the doctor I’d had before wasn’t around, and some med student from Osaka sat in his place. He said there was little he could do, not being pro like the other guy, so gave me a renewal on the medicine and asked me to come back the next day, when he was in. He’d give me an endoscopy, I was told. I should have seen the break in those two statements, looking back. So far I’d spent about two thousand on drugs, just over a tenner, which isn’t bad considering. It was the next trip that irked me, when I turned up expecting to undergo exploratory surgery (can it be called that?). Old Doc was back, and said an endoscopy was the way. He then told me to come back on Saturday, when he’d do it. Not right then, not like I’d been psyching myself up for. Another long week of waiting. He then charged me another 500 yen for his sweet time and sent me on my way. For ‘consultation charges’, the receipt says. Tch.

So, the day itself. I went on in having not eaten anything the night before, and strolled up to the office. They’d been expecting me, and asked me to wait in this shadowy little corner of the waiting room where it was cold and I was afraid (needlessly, I know). Steph was there, which was a comfort, but it was honestly quite scary waiting for all this to go down. Eventually, a very nice young man comes out and takes my temperature and blood pressure. Seeing that they were okay, he then sticks a thing in my arm which is linked up to one of those portable drips you see really, really sick folk tugging around in hospital dramas. He assured me that the clear liquid going into my arm wasn’t going to do anything, which made me wonder just what the point of it was, but that a flick of the switch would change the input to something that would knock me out. I have to drink this nasty Pocari Sweat thing that supposedly cleaned up my innards ready for inspection, and then I’m off. Steph waits outside while I lie down on this surgery bed thing, on my side, and get a plastic thing put in my mouth so I don’t chomp down on the camera in my sleep. There’s about a hundred and one bits of plastic being passed around in front of me, and funny paper sheets being laid up on my shoulders and under my head for some reason. Then I’m told I’ll start to feel sleepy. It takes a little while, but before long I realize everything feels a bit funny, like the reception between by self and my body has taken a dip, and suddenly I’m waking up and the whole thing’s over. Steph’s there next to me, and the doctor’s smiling like I’d just done something really funny, which if I had nobody’s told me about. It was also two hours later. Two whole hours!

They later explained that what’s wrong with me is an enflamed esophagus, which is totally not the stomach cancer my paranoia thought it was. Totally treatable, with a month’s regular medicine. I’m very glad Steph was there for the explanation, because I do have a hard time remembering what was happening. Like, I can’t tell what I saw and what I dreamed. I’m fairly sure what I remember happened, but it’s all foggy like a fake memory. I remember going home and eating beans on toast, my reward for soldiering through a totally risk-free operation, and I remember sitting at my computer. I remember trying to play a free indie horror game I’d tried the night before and been scared away from, and I remember finishing it, but did that happen? Maybe I just deleted the thing out of fear. I also have weird semi-memories of the things I saw in my own stomach, pinned up on the doctor’s PC while he explained what was wrong. Something that looked like a handful of pink snakes? Was that real, or just my imagination?

Anyway, I shook myself out of it eventually. And a good thing I did, as that evening was the annual Kobe JET Scavenger Hunt. A big hat off to Team enTOURage for a stellar performance running around Sannomiya. I will remember chasing the Black Plague down that escalator for as long as I live. It’s unlikely we won. I mean, my hypothesis for the criminal was first class, amazing stuff. It came alive as you read it. But unfortunately it was wrong, so it wasn’t that alive. But it’s not about the winning. When it comes to running around Sannomiya in dorky outfits, asking people who Sharpie’d their own face whether they spoke any Jamaican, it is most certainly not about the winning.

Things at school carry on pretty much as normal. School trips have meant I have a fair bit of free time at my desk, allowing for pre-planning of some of the other things I’ll be doing this year. ICPs… Urgh… I have a killer ICP plan, but let’s just not talk about that until my principal is sure she wants it done. Also got a chance to go see my elementary school sports day a couple of weeks ago, which was excellent. It was interesting seeing the older kids marching around all serious as they will eventually do in middle school, and seeing that seriousness devolve steadily down the years until you see the youngest lot hopping onto the pitch like frogs. Also the fifth year homeroom teacher dressed as Doraemon was something to behold. That is a man without shame. It was also great to see some of my middle schoolers outside of a school environment. About a fifty-fifty split between those who were so cool for school they pretended like I wasn’t there, and those who thought the idea of me in shorts was the funniest thing in the universe. Cute, either way. And I tell you, sports days in the UK cannot match up. The kids were rolling giant balls around, class v class tug of war with over eighty students on a single rope. And some of the most dangerous clambering around on top of other people I have ever seen, and I understand it was pretty tame compared to some schools. I was surprised a few days later when I was talking with the principal of the other elementary, and she asked “How long did you stay?” “The whole thing,” I replied, and she reacted like I’d told her I’d fought in a war. “Well done,” she said. “That can’t have been easy.” Well, I quite like the praise so I shut my mouth about how it wasn’t that bad. Wasn’t that bad. It was a very early start, and I did feel dead by the end. But not that bad.

Back to games. Playing a lot of Tomodachi Collection lately. Pete and Steph got married and now have a son with a humongous forehead. I also learnt that couples can split up (and it was so traumatic that it’s become hard to look some people, real people, in the eye), and also that you can arrange couples together by recommending them as a couple of a meddlesome friend. So don’t worry, mum and dad, there’s hope for you yet! Also been playing more of Lord of the Rings with Steph. Hit level 30 recently, which means I’m hardcore. Ace game, that, easily the best MMO I’ve ever played.

Ah, yes, E3 just around the corner now. Real excited this year. Last year I wasn’t fussed, but this year I’m expecting some big news. Super Smash, maybe? Please? And I’ll drink up anything about Saints Row IV I can find. I was skeptical after their rather pointless release trailer earlier in the year, but the latest one just blew me away. It’s perfect. I’d watch it every day if that wasn’t a bit obsessive. Preordered it not long later, which apparently gets me a jet plane shaped like an eagle.

Last Game of Thrones tonight. That last episode damaged me somewhere deep inside, but I think I’m ready to face the conclusion now. Really looking forward to it, this season’s been amazing. Excited to see how it all ends. Also eating up series 6 of Buffy like it’s going out of style. (As opposed to the reality, which is that it went out of style a long time ago.) The villains this time around are easily my favourites, for obvious reasons, though we’ll have to see if they can keep up the charm.

Right, I’m out. Thanks for reading.

22 - Overdue

Right, okay, here we go. Lots of time to cover here. Forgive me for writing up a list of things to talk about.

End of term and graduation

Spring break

New term: New teachers and students

Golden week

Plans for the rest of term

Stuff like books, films, TV and games

It’s certainly been a while. I could list all the little excuses that have kept me from a word processor these past months, but that wouldn’t interest you. And ultimately they would be nothing but excuses. Needless to say, it’s been a tough enough time finding the energy to do anything in my free time, and recounting the highlights of my weeks has been low on the old priority list. But that changes today. Today you get it all.

The term ended towards the end of March, to much fanfare and revelry. Lamentably I was unable to attend this year’s graduation, being held up with work at elementary school. Being one of the biggest events of the year, and the last time to see the old third years before they leave, it was truly unfortunate to have to miss it. I even got a few startled looks from the other teachers in the staff room at elementary after they saw that my junior high’s graduation was on that day. “Peter,” one teacher said, “you didn’t go to graduation?!” “Sensei,” I replied, “I was teaching your class while it was happening.” I didn’t intend to guilt trip, but there was an undeniable satisfaction at his grimace. But no matter. I got chances to say goodbye over the next few weeks, and still see a few of them around. A few even tried to add me on Facebook, which was touching if a little, how should I put it, professionally dangerous.

After that came Spring Break. Japan has ruined me for Spring holidays. I remember our Spring Break in Doshisha all those years ago: a whole month plus change to tour the country and blow off steam. I was lucky to get those three days of leave that I scrimped together. Could have taken more, but I do need to save up. Lots of overseas trips planned for the coming year. And that means lots of paid leave time. Leave time I can’t just take any time I like.

So Spring Break was spent relaxing wherever I could, and attending professional development seminars to avoid having to go to work. Not that I didn’t enjoy the relaxed atmosphere of a school without students; I got some killer reading done in the staff room over the holiday. Roaring through Wheel of Time 7, which I am told is where it starts going downhill. Enjoying it so far, but we’ll see. But time with friends trumps time at school, even if it’s in a professional setting. It was certainly enjoyable, however. Presented a lesson that I thought was especially good one afternoon, and spent another filing away conversation activities for later use. A whole day was spent in front of a computer creating something beautiful, an ESL resource that will likely never see the light of day. It’s funny what we as humans decide is important. Steph and I have to fly to the UK over the Summer, which requires careful planning and consideration. But I haven’t spent even a fraction of the energy I used up writing We’re Talking of the Dead on flights and Foreign Office appointments, which are decidedly more important. I swear, I cut out a chunk of my soul and crammed it into the computer that day, or so it felt when I finally left for an enkai in town, staggering about with wearied limbs and a splitting headache. Why was I built like that, to take such pleasure in pushing my limits for something inane while avoiding real responsibilities? Another question for the big man when I reach heaven, I suppose. I have quite a list already.

Next comes the start of the new term. It’s always fascinating to see the kids take off their old roles and struggle into new ones. The new second years were all puffy chested with pride at being the seniors at last, which made them much more agreeable and excitable where English was concerned. The usually chaotic second years calmed down within days of making the progression to their final year, and some even went so far as to become shy. I wouldn’t have believed it unless I’d seen it myself. But then there’s the new lot, the first years, and they are just excellent. Having taught them for two years already, they were already very familiar with me and my lessons, but I had no idea they’d be so eager to see someone they knew. These first weeks of lesson have been an absolute breeze. They catch on quickly to what I’m trying to explain, nodding their heads and shouting ‘okay!’ even when told not to, and bless their hearts they are actually trying to do what I tell them to. Give it time, and they’ll realise that cheating the system is more fun. But for now it seems the possibility of not asking the required questions in English and just using muttered Japanese does not occur to them, something I’m very glad of. I also know far more of their names, though a mistaken name does still warrant outright mockery. That’s the one drawback with being known as an elementary guest teacher: they do not take me seriously. ‘Oh, it’s only Peter. He doesn’t get angry.’ Well, let them think that. Maybe I’ll show them.

A new year means more than just new students. There are five new teachers at the school this year, including one who’s an English teacher. Mr. Koyama and I are getting along famously so far, though his style of class is very textbook, not the sort I’m so familiar with. But he’s flexible with his plans, and has made it clear that I’m welcome to suggest whatever I think is best for the class. His English is also far better than that of his predecessor, wherever she is now. A bigger surprise came from the assignment of the new principal of the school. You ever see that movie Kindergarden Cop? You imagine what it must have been like for those kiddy actors to have the Terminator walk into their classroom and announce in his rock-cut no-nonsense tones that he was to be their new homeroom teacher? Well, that’s a little like how it felt having the head of the Guidance Division of the Board of Education arrive at school one day, and tell me in clear and nigh-perfect English that she would be staying.

In many ways, Shiba-sensei’s presence is a great opportunity for the school, and for me as an ALT. She is intimately familiar with how ALTs operate in Kobe City, and already knows what makes for a good team teaching lesson of English. She is unbelievably encouraging and supportive, and being able to talk to the principal in unrestrained English is excellent for knowing where to be and what to be doing at any given time. Plus, I won’t have to bow and scrape so much to get that aforementioned time off when Steph and I eventually get married. I guarantee that she will bend over backwards to get me on a plane home. It’s also excellent leverage for the other teachers in the school, knowing the ex-Guidance Division principal as well as I do. They’re less likely to look down on me, not that they really did anyway, knowing that I’m well-connected. But, see, this is where the problems start. When I was told who was going to be my new principal by the new head of the Guidance Division, he clapped a hand on my shoulder with a sympathetic smile and said, “Sorry.” My teachers are scared of her because they know how exceptionally driven she is to get things done, and my OTEs in particular are despairing that this year is gonna be a tough one. A few days ago, Shiba-sensei (or am I supposed to call her by her title now?) sat me down in her office and went over her plan for the year. Our school was going to host the observation lesson for our block of four schools this year, I already knew that. It was also going to host a KICP, a sort of mega-lesson involving other ALTs from across Kobe, send kids to Summer School during the holiday and prepare a speech for November’s English Festival. And that’s just the stuff we know about already. There’s gonna be a ton of extra little English events occurring over the year, and we will have a hand in every last one, if Principal Shiba gets her way. Professional development, pushing your boundaries, looks good on a CV, blah blah blah. I’m gonna be exhausted come Christmas! And my OTEs are already planning to kill the woman, I think. And me, for being her faithful servant. I will try to do my best this year, but it’s not making me very popular so far.

Right. So, that’s the half way mark. Feel free to go get a drink of coffee, check that Facebook newsfeed, take a walk around the room to get circulation back into your legs. I’ll be here when you get back.

Golden Week’s a funny thing. For one, it’s not even a proper week. Still had school between Tuesday and Thursday, though I shouldn’t complain. After all, Golden Week was the last mid-week holiday we’ll be getting for a long, long time. We had big plans, Steph and I. Well, a big plan. We were going to make one of our occasional Costco trips, though we were often reminded how foolish heading to that cattle farm on a holiday sounded. We didn’t, in the end, but that was for the four-day weekend. On the Sunday before we had a great evening out with a couple of friends in Osaka, after a walk around ourselves visiting the usual places. There’s a bar there run by a bunch of foreigners with a video game feel to it. There’s old consoles dotted around which you can play when you feel like it, and we happened to be there for a trivia night on top of that. Tricky stuff, and Steph and I left early to be sure we got the last train home, but certainly a lot of fun. Our teammates won, in the end, though they later told us it was a mad dash to the train to make it home. We sure are proud of them, and secretly not sure we would have been any help anyway.

I’m sick at the moment. Not real sick, not anymore, but suffering the last gasps of one nasty cold. It was a cold that began Thursday night of Golden Week, keeping me from drinking with my teachers like I’d planned to, but it quickly escalated. I think my body was aware of the holiday, and the chance to let out what it’d been keeping in. It was so rubbish. I felt awful. So, no Costco. Instead, Steph and I played Minecraft together for what must have been three days straight. An entertaining way to spend Golden Week, I suppose, and certainly relaxing, though I did have to blink away phantom boxy edges of the world that sometimes materialised on the edges of my vision. We have a four-storey tower, which Steph built up as I dug down. Also an expansive farm with wheat, potatoes, carrots, cocoa beans and pumpkin, and an automated defence system for the corners of the house. Steph’s been exploring further and further out, and making enough maps to threaten the world’s sources of paper, while I’ve been strip-mining hell to make a sweet tower out of Nether Brick. It was a busy four days. I did okay this last week, didn’t suffer too much, but I’m still full of sniffles and my stomach feels like it’s been punched a few times too many. Give it a few more days, maybe this weekend, and it oughta clear itself up.

Urgh, everything feels so busy right now. It’s only Thursday, but it feels like it should be Friday. I don’t want to have to go back to school tomorrow, even though the lessons should be straightforward. I guess that’s what comes from having only a single lesson today; the whole thing feels stretched out like an eternity. Bring on the weekend, and the Star Wars marathon!

So, what’s left for the rest of term? The third years are off to Okinawa tomorrow, along with a third of the staff, and they’ll be back on Wednesday ready for tests. There’s plans in the air for next weekend’s sports day at my elementary schools, which I should probably attend. Year before last I got Monday off for going to the music festival at elementary, but this year’s vice-principal is not so generous. I’ll just have to go out of the goodness of my heart. Been teaching a little to the new first years at elementary recently. Cute, cute kids. It feels like a lot of them know me already somehow, though I’m sure not all of them can have older siblings in the school already. I got a few shouting my name before I introduced myself, and they all recovered from their fearful uncertainty of the pale-skinned giant very quickly. Already have a few golden questions from the little guys. “Peter-sensei, where are you from?” “I’m from England.” “Oh. Did you come here on the Hankyu train line?” “No, by plane.” “Wow!” I can’t imagine myself being so young once, but I guess I must have been. They also seemed to think it was hilarious that I didn’t know the school song that I’d never even heard before, as though being to be a teacher required me to sing it off by heart in an interview. And the ever-popular disbelief that I can store two complete languages in my head at the same time.

Life continues as normal for the next month or so, then. No big plans or anything particularly noteworthy. Summer officially starts with the scavenger hunt in June. The team is almost assembled (ahead of time, in an attempt to avoid last year’s debacle) and the theme chosen. It’s a surprise. You’ll see. And probably disapprove. No big film trips planned; the last one was the excellent Iron Man 3 and there’s nothing we’re really gonna trip over ourselves to go see. Saw the trailer for World’s End, which is looks exceptional, though I wish I hadn’t now. It did ruin the surprise, and though I’m sure it’ll still live up to its legacy I’d’ve liked to have been surprised. Game of Thrones continues very well, though right now it seems to be easing itself into the pre-climax lull that ate up over half of the latest series of Walking Dead. Now that was a disappointing conclusion. It’s starting to feel like the show’s lost its way, and it’s gotten too careful with things like character life and mental state. I mean, you remember the last series finale? It was brutal, to say the least, and totally made up for the sluggish pace of the rest of it. This time around was comparatively tame, and that was not what I’d come to expect about the show. Having said that, I’ll still keep watching. I just think it’s ironic that I had been looking forward to Walking Dead more, where I have no idea what’s gonna happen next, but am in fact enjoying Game of Thrones more, where I’ve already been told by the original author that he means to kill off everyone I ever show the slightest attachment to. The show is good enough that, although I know it’s just gonna break my heart, I can’t stop caring. Good stuff.

I guess if I’m talking about TV, I can also talk about Alan Wake. I mean, it’s a game, but it’s totally also a TV show. Finished the first two “episodes” so far, and am loving it. More than I loved The Ball, which was not at all. I mean, it’s well-written for one thing, or “well-written” like a proper less-than-believable supernatural drama on TV. So it’s cheesy in places, but in the right places. And it plays well, too. Also finished LA Noire recently, which I also enjoyed despite it making me want to rip my hair out in places. I mean, I know that the guy’s lying to me, and I can prove it to the suspect no problem, but it’s proving it to the game that really got to me. When I give the right answer only to have it throw it back in my face! I was right, Phelps! I was! That Routine ranking was all your fault, not mine! Hear me?!

Ah, now, here’s a bit of game news that should interest most of you. Over Golden Week I picked up a copy of the new Tomodachi Collection game for 3DS, and it is excellent. The game has you make your friends in little Mii form and put them to work on an island where they work, play, fight and fall in love. And you lot have made some proper weird choices, I tell you. I mean, putting the Slenderman in was probably my own fault, but it can’t excuse everything. Like a certain Australian acquaintance of mine who tried to seduce my mother. Needed some heavy-handed action to quash that little problem. Some of you have shut yourselves in your rooms and refused to come out. Some of you have had some pretty brutal arguments. But I won’t let you get married until Mii-Pete and Mii-Steph do! And that’s taking its sweet time, I tell you. Dangerously close to friendzoning on more than one occasion.

And on that note, time for me to go. Might be able to get through episode 3 of Wake before I need to sleep. That’d be nice.

Thanks for reading.